Dating Has Been Ghetto: Meet Mr. Out Here Wildin'

Disclaimer before we begin because I don't need any smoke. AT ALL. 😂

I do not date married men.

I don't entertain married men.

I don't entertain "we're separated."

I don't entertain "the divorce is almost final."

I don't entertain "we're living together for the kids."

I truly believe marriage is a covenant before God, and I have way too much respect for that covenant to involve myself in someone else's. So before the internet starts internet-ing...let me make that crystal clear.

Now...

Girl.

Pull up a chair.

Because I have to tell you about Mr. Out Here Wildin'.

A while back, I met a guy who, on paper, seemed like he had it all together.

No wedding ring.

We knew some of the same people.

Loved the Lord.

Great career.

Fine.

Conversation? Ten out of ten.

Like...the kind of conversation where you're smiling at your phone thinking, "Okay, Lord...I see what You're doing."

We were laughing.

Talking about faith.

Talking about family.

Talking about our goals.

We were even planning our first date.

Everything felt easy.

Everything felt normal.

But then...

There was this tiny little feeling in my spirit that I couldn't explain.

Nothing dramatic.

He hadn't said anything crazy.

There weren't any obvious red flags.

I just couldn't shake it.

You know that little nudge from the Holy Spirit that quietly says,

"Sis...check."

That's all it was.

Now, if you know me in real life, you know I have a tiny bit of FBI in me.

Actually...

Let me not lie before the Lord.

I have a healthy amount of FBI in me. 😂

I am a private investigator when it comes to dating.

Not because I'm trying to be nosy.

But because wisdom is free, Google is free, and I believe in using all the resources the Lord has provided.

So naturally...

I started searching.

Nothing.

Interesting.

I searched again.

Still nothing.

Now hold on.

Because usually I can find something.

An old LinkedIn profile.

A college graduation announcement.

A church program.

A random 5K race from 2016.

A picture from somebody's cousin's birthday.

Something.

This man?

Invisible.

Now my FBI senses were tingling.

Before I tell you what happened next, can we please give a round of applause to the women in the "Are We Dating the Same Guy?" Facebook groups?

Ladies...

If you're not in one...

This is not an advertisement.

But maybe...

Just maybe...

Get in there.

Because some of those women deserve honorary detective badges.

One of my girlfriends happened to be in the group for the city where he lived.

So I casually sent her his picture.

Nothing dramatic.

Just,

"Hey girl...have you ever seen him posted?"

I expected one of two responses.

"No."

Or...

"Yeah, he's cool."

Simple.

Sis.

Why did my phone start vibrating like I had just broken national news?

Screenshot.

Screenshot.

Screenshot.

Screenshot.

Screenshot.

At one point I looked down and thought,

"Why does my Messages app suddenly have homework?"

She wasn't texting anymore.

She was building a case.

By screenshot number seven, I realized this wasn't tea.

This was a federal investigation.

By screenshot number twelve, I was expecting a judge to enter the chat.

Apparently, Mr. Out Here Wildin' had been...

Busy.

Very busy.

There were multiple women.

Different timelines.

Different stories.

Different receipts.

And then came the plot twist.

Not only was this man dating multiple women...

HE WAS MARRIED.

Married.

As in...

A wife.

A marriage certificate.

A covenant.

A whole spouse.

Y'all...

I just sat there staring at my phone.

Not because my heart was broken.

Thank You, Jesus, we hadn't even made it to Date One.

I was just trying to process the audacity.

Now if you think that was the wildest part...

Oh no.

Because I decided to ask him directly.

Just a simple,

"Hey...are you married?"

Sis...

Why did this man respond like we were negotiating a business contract?

Instead of apologizing...

Instead of saying, "You're right. I shouldn't have reached out."

Instead of disappearing back into married-people business...

He started trying to convince me that we should still go on the date.

Sir.

Respectfully...

What part of "you have a wife" made you think there was still a decision to be made?

There wasn't a decision.

There wasn't a conversation.

There wasn't a "hear me out."

There wasn't a "let me explain."

There wasn't even a "maybe just coffee."

Absolutely not.

I'm not bargaining with somebody's husband.

That's not my ministry.

Meanwhile, my good sis is STILL sending screenshots.

The comments just kept getting wilder.

Women were saying the wife had shown up on dates.

The woman had shown up at people's houses.

At that point, I wasn't reading comments anymore.

I was reading survival tips.

Immediately, my mind went to Daddy's Little Girls.

Y'all remember the scene where Julia is on a date and the man's wife, kids, and even the dog pull up?

That is EXACTLY what I pictured.

I'm over there trying to decide between the salmon and the pasta...

And here comes a family reunion.

Baby...

Could never be me.

I would've been sitting there looking around the restaurant like,

"Oh...so THIS is what we're doing today?"

No ma'am.

I like my peace.

The funny part is, after I laughed with my friends for approximately three business days, I kept thinking about the whole situation.

Because as hilarious as it is now...

There was something much deeper underneath it.

The Facebook group didn't protect me first.

The Holy Spirit did.

Before there were screenshots...

Before there were receipts...

Before my inner FBI clocked in for work...

There was simply a quiet nudge that said,

"Something isn't right."

I've learned that discernment rarely comes with flashing lights.

Most of the time, it sounds like a whisper.

Slow down.

Ask another question.

Pay attention.

Don't ignore what I'm trying to show you.

Looking back, I'm so grateful I listened.

Not because I'm the world's greatest detective.

Clearly my Google search wasn't giving me much.

But because God cared enough about me to whisper before life shouted.

That has encouraged me more than I can explain.

Because it reminds me that God is invested in every area of our lives—even dating.

He isn't sitting in heaven saying, "Good luck."

He's guiding us.

Protecting us.

Directing us.

Sometimes through Scripture.

Sometimes through wise friends.

Sometimes through a Facebook group.

And sometimes...

Through that little check in our spirit that we can't quite explain.

So if you're dating right now, let me encourage you.

Pray before you proceed.

Take your time.

Ask questions.

Pay attention.

Don't ignore that uneasy feeling just because someone looks good on paper.

The right person won't be offended by your wisdom.

As for Mr. Out Here Wildin'...

I genuinely pray he honors the covenant he made.

Marriage is sacred.

And as for me?

I thanked God for His protection.

Laughed with my girlfriends.

Deleted the number.

And kept it moving.

Because one thing about me...

I'd much rather be single with peace than connected to confusion.

Every.

Single.

Time.

Until next time, sis...

Stay prayed up.

Stay discerning.

And remember...

Sometimes the Holy Spirit and the group chat work together.

Who knew?