Wait… I Think I’m Living in Some of My Prayers

Okay girl...

I've been having these little moments lately where I stop and think:

Wait. I prayed for this.

Not everything I've ever prayed for has suddenly happened. Absolutely not lol. There are still things I've been talking to God about for a loooong time. Things I'm waiting for. Things I don't understand. Things I'm still believing Him for.

But lately, I'm starting to see some of my prayers in real life.

And what's really getting me are the things I didn't pray for.

The people. The opportunities. The provision. The conversations that happen at exactly the right time. Things I didn't ask God for because I didn't even know I was going to need them.

But He knew.

There's something about realizing God saw a need coming before you ever did that makes being known by Him feel so much more real.

Some of This Used to Be a Prayer

I've prayed for God to use me. I've prayed for purpose. I've prayed for Him to somehow make sense of all these pieces of me that I knew belonged together but couldn't quite figure out how.

Public health. Birth work. Maternal health. Nursing. Midwifery. Advocacy. Faith.

And now I'm watching Him pull them together.

I'm sitting in rooms having conversations about mothers and babies, midwifery, access, and the systems that impact their lives. I'm doing work I genuinely care about. I'm in nursing school. I'm walking toward becoming a midwife.

And sometimes I have to remind myself:

Girl... you asked God for this.

Maybe I couldn't have named exactly what it would look like, but I asked Him to use me.

And He is.

Then there are the prayers that don't come with a title or accomplishment.

I've prayed to become wiser. Softer. More discerning. More disciplined. Less reactive. I've asked God to teach me how to stop forcing things, how to let go, and how to trust Him when I don't know what's next.

And baby... apparently God took me seriously. 😂

Because some of those prayers were answered through things I would've NEVER chosen.

Some through disappointment.

Some through waiting.

Some through endings.

Some through a good old-fashioned NO.

But I can see the fruit now.

I respond differently. I pray differently. I don't chase everything anymore. Things that would've taken me OUT a few years ago don't have the same power over me now.

I'm still becoming, but I'm not going to overlook the woman God has already helped me become.

That's harvest too.

Maybe Harvest Isn't Always the Big Thing

I think sometimes we hear harvest and immediately think about the huge answered prayer.

The husband. The baby. The degree. The house. The promotion. The financial breakthrough.

And yes, absolutely.

But what about peace?

What about finally having healthy people around you?

What about the boundary you can finally keep?

What about realizing you don't even want something you used to beg God for?

What about an opportunity you didn't go looking for?

What about someone saying your name in a room you weren't in?

What about God providing something before you even realized you were going to need it?

What if that's harvest too?

That's what I'm learning right now.

Sometimes the answer doesn't arrive with a big announcement. Sometimes you're just living your regular life and realize...

God, You've been taking care of me this whole time.

It Was Growing the Whole Time

A seed doesn't start growing the moment we finally see something break through the dirt.

By then, so much has already happened underground.

Roots had to form first.

And I wonder how many times I've mistaken I can't see anything happening for God isn't doing anything.

Maybe the delay was growing something.

Maybe the no was protection.

Maybe the ending made room.

Maybe the waiting prepared me for something I wasn't ready to carry before.

Maybe God wasn't ignoring me.

Maybe it was growing the whole time.

And I think that's why suddenly and harvest feel so connected for me right now.

What looks sudden to us may be something God has been tending for a very long time.

We see the sprout.

God saw the roots.

So this month, I'm trying not to rush past what God has already done because I'm focused on what I still want Him to do.

There are still prayers I'm waiting on. Still seeds underground. Still things I don't understand.

But there is also fruit.

And I'm learning to hold both.

So girl, go back and read an old prayer. Open one of those journals. Think about the woman you were a few years ago and the things she was asking God for.

Then look around.

Maybe everything isn't here yet.

Mine isn't either.

But I have a feeling you'll find at least one thing that makes you whisper:

Wait... I prayed for this.

And maybe you'll find a few things that make you say:

God, I didn't even know I needed this. But You did.

That's the kind of harvest I don't want us to miss.